59 Minutes to Hell
by 1983Sarah
Summary: Crack!Fic. Season three finale. What is the worst possible ending you could think of that would take place in the final moments of season three? Here it is, the last 59 minutes before Dean goes to Hell...


59 Minutes to Hell - 1983Sarah

Scene: Graveyard with an open grave next to a cliff-side.

Dean: Well, Sam, since you're so smart, have you came up with anything in this last hour?

Sam: I'm thinking, I'm thinking!

Dean: No pressure, its just 59 minutes until the hellhounds drag me to Hell, chewing me to pieces.

Sam: Well, how about this!

*Enter Dr. Grey*

Dr. Grey: I'm in love with Dr. McDreamy but he doesn't love me. Wait, there's a patient.

*Looks at Dean*

Dr. Grey: I need an amp of epy stat! *needle appears and she jams it into Dean's arm*

Dean: Damn that hurts! What the hell you do that for?

Sam: Ok, this isn't working. Bye Dr. Grey. *Grey leaves* What about him?

*Enter Dr. House*

House: Damn, you look like shit dude! There's no hope for you. You're not an interesting case at all. Have a nice death.

*Limps out*

Dean: Where'd you dig that guy up? I kinda liked him!

Sam: *smacks forehead* You would, jerk.

Dean: Bitch! So, who's next.

Sam: Well, if you don't object to a little magic…or females….

Dean: Bring it on! I could have worse final moments!

Sam: Ladies!?!

*Enter The Charmed Ones*

Witches: "The power of three will set us free, the power of three will set us free, the power of three…."

Dean: What the? Sam, where'd you dig these freaks up?

Sam: WB storage.

*continued chanting in the background*

Dean: Well, whatever they are trying to do, it's not working. Though, they are kind of hot. Maybe they can join me in Hell. They are witches after all. Normally I hate witches because they are unsanitary, but I might make an exception!

Sam: Ladies, please leave.

Witches: Fine, drag us outta storage and promise a taste of freedom, then just ship us back when it doesn't work right away. You know, magic isn't an exact science and we never get it right the first time.

Sam: Just leave.

*all turn and walk away*

*Dean calls out to the retreating figures*

Dean: I'll call you from Hell if I can get any reception! Man Sammy, why'd you have to send them away!

Sam: Dean, we're wasting time. They weren't working.

Dean: They we're for me!

Sam: Whatever, you pervert. Next, we should try something proven to work. Someone who truly knows what she's doing.

Dean: She?!

Sam: Yes. Oh, Claire!

*Claire in a cheerleader outfit walks up and stands in front of Dean*

Dean: Heeellllooo! Nice Sam. So, what do we need to do?

Claire: I stand here and protect you.

Dean: That's it? You?

Sam: Claire is invincible! She can't die. So, she can save you from the hellhounds.

*Claire nods*

Claire: Save the Winchester, save the world!

Dean: Ok. I don't think this is gonna work. Sam, she's a chick, she can't hold them off forever.

*hellhounds bay and can be heard coming closer. Claire screams and starts to panic*

Dean: NOT WORKING!!!

Sam: Fine. Let's send her away.

*Dean pushes Claire off the cliff*

Sam: What'd you do THAT for?

Dean: *shrugs* She can't die; fastest way to get her outta here. Now what. We're out of options at the moment and it's two minutes to midnight man!

Sam: Well, here goes nothing!

Dean: Huh?

*Sam looks down for a moment and takes a deep breath. He looks up at Dean and his eyes are all black*

Sam: I decided to turn evil to save you Dean. You mean that much to me bro.

Dean: No Sam, you can't. I did this for you, to protect you. You were supposed to go only mildly evil and crazy for about six months after my death and then get back to normal. I won't live so that you can become the evil boy king!

Sam: Ok, you don't have to live.

Dean: What?

Sam: Well, now that I'm evil, I really don't care if you are dead or not or if you go to Hell. It doesn't matter anyway, anymore. I plan to rule the world! Mwahahahhahahahahha! Yes, I shall have dominion over Hell and all the demons. That means you too, bro. And with this power I shall rise up and take over all the Earth. Nations will bow down to me! Suffering and misery will be rampant. Blood will run down the streets. You couldn't see the power for the taking. Now it's mine, all mine!!! HAHAHAHA.

*click, bang*

*Sam looks down at his chest. A large bullet wound is present and is smoking. Dean lowers the colt he had tucked in his waistband*

Sam: Why Dean?

Dean: First off, you were monologuing dude. Don't you know by now that's the number one killer of Demons? Second, dad said if I couldn't save you then I had to kill you. Sorry I couldn't save you.

*Sam's face goes blank and he falls over dead. Dean blows the smoke off the colt, tucks it into his waistband and slides into the Impala. The engine revs and the red taillights head off into the night*

*End Credits*


End file.
